i dont know if there are boundries as to what i am to say here. HOWEVER i do remind you that this site (although being publicly accessible to all those globally who have internet access) is for my personal thoughts, reflections and vent sessions.
***
Last night..
it was an abrupt and unexpected awakening to the fact that things do NOT always go as expected or planned. You see, for the past year i have worked hard to be ready. Ready take them by myself, and after three long years, i finally felt it. I finally felt like i was ready. I came into this year convinced that my time had come; that i would finally have a chance to do what i had been trained to do. But the reminder of reality always comes right on que. I had dreams and plans of where we were going to go this year. That i could be the one that they would continually come to, that we would grow up together and that i would be the one to witness how far they had come. I guess i can still do that. But all of it will be from a distance now, and all my dreams are put on hold.
i suppose it is a blessing in disguise. But i've never known a blessing to hurt so much. Maybe it takes a while for the relief to set in and hopefully time will make my gratitude known. I guess He knows it better than I do, and this is what He has decided.
***
I love talking to mother, she cried with me last night.
It made me feel less stupid.
She is not the best with words i'll admit, however last night she proved that with age comes wisdom and her words helped me realise that things probably turned out for the best.
I was looking forward to the next five or more years with my girls, but i guess His plans are elsewhere for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment